October 8, 2018 – Willow Creek, California

I must be up early.

Nobody is in the kitchen yet this morning except myself and Nehem. We greet each other as I make some coffee and set up my computer in an attempt to be productive while the others sleep. Him and I haven’t talked much thus far—mostly because of my presumption of a significant language barrier between us, and the fact that I find his mysteriousness somewhat intimidating. I also view him as a much more “free spirited” person than I could perhaps ever become. He eventually inquires about what I’m working on, and I decide to engage him in a real conversation for the first time.

I do my best to explain my project to him in a simple way, but also trying not to avoid significant details. Since there is no internet at the winery, we resort to Nehem’s smartphone to aid us; he quickly pulls up my YouTube channel and browses the videos I’ve made over the years. He tells me about a previous experience he had in a far-away jungle with a very different society and the effect that time had on his life.

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2015 – Finland, Minnesota

“Watch out for that rock right there.”

It must be midnight or later, and I’m walking through the woods behind Steven and Damean (my host’s “neighbor”).

Without lights.

The complete opposite environment that we just left—a birthday party at a neighbor’s place (down the road, through some forest, down a hill, up a hill…). This wasn’t your typical birthday party, either. No. There was an old-fashioned cauldron hanging above a fire, warming bear fat that was used to cook homemade doughnuts in. Doughnuts that were then shaken in a bag of real Minnesota maple sugar—“the original shake and bake,” as Damean put it jokingly. From another conversation, I overheard someone ask another, “How are the cities?” to which they replied, “Not as good as this doughnut.”

My God, they were delicious.

Steven knows the land so well that he can guide us without using the head lamps they brought. I’m impressed, energized, scared. Scared at first, at least. Then taken aback as I realize how long it had been since I had done anything like that and how serene it felt. The starlight against the fallen leaves provided just enough light to make out the two men ahead of me.

Part of me wanted to just sit and be still.

After the doughnuts, the hosts offered homemade pizza as well as freshly made ice cream. Made. Fresh. By hand. Two men sat near the fire and played/sang songs featuring a banjo and violin for what must have been over an hour. Are all northern Minnesota birthday parties this incredible?

Steven stops us amidst our return home and turns on his light. He is searching for a knee-high tree along the road that he showed us on the way to the party. He mentioned that he wanted to try to transplant it at his home. The light reveals nothing. Until he turns to his left; there the tree sits, only a few feet away from his initial guess in the dark. Mind blown. Upon arriving home, we three take a moment to observe the stars, noting any recognizable constellations. We end the night with a brief conversation.

Which is also how the party drew to a close—a conversation around a camp-style fire. I mostly just listened and observed, as I tend to do around new groups of people. I don’t recall all of the topics covered, save the discussion about city versus country life. The same girl who made the city v. doughnut jab described her feelings on the matter: “Every time I’m in a city, I feel like I’m dying.”

After experiencing an evening like that, I find it hard to disagree with her.

“Country things are the necessary root of our life—and that remains true even of a rootless and tragically urban civilization. To live permanently away from the country is a form of slow death.” – Esther Meynell

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It is during this conversation with Nehem that I finally feel a deeper connection with him. It’s been a long time since I’ve become so fully immersed in an experience, with a group of people, in which I’ve allowed myself to be so present in the moment.

Fully connected.

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2016 – Seattle, Washington

“How do you know when to stop putting everyone else’s needs above your own?”

…the gentleman sitting across from me asks, rhetorically. He’s holding both of his arms out, palms up, painting a picture for Miri and I in regard to what it looks like to be a universal platelet donor. Platelets are a blood component whose function is to stop bleeding by clotting blood vessels. Coagulopathy, hemophilia, various deficiencies… many people need these kinds of donors.

Travelers flow around us, through us, circulating the terminal. Pathways lead them to their gates. Airplanes transmit them to the places that they need to be.

This man is in his early seventies and has already engaged us on topics such as Miri’s desire to act, current social issues, and the difficulties of having conversations with strangers due to (in his opinion) technology. He goes on to say that he doesn’t know “where to draw the line.”

He is a catalyst for people that he will never meet.

As Miri’s plane begins the boarding process, we start saying our goodbyes. The man had walked away, but decides to return and begins another conversation. She asks him to postpone this conversation until the plane ride. He inquires about where her seat is, and to their mutual surprise, discover that they will be sitting next to each other on the flight. What are the odds?

I begin walking toward my departure gate, but my mind continues to wander. I imagine society as one living aggregate. Like platelets, we attach ourselves to substances before facing our wounds. We turn on our receptors and secrete chemical messengers. We connect to each other, acting in concert.

We are one organism.

Our interactions with each other heal our wounds.

“When we truly recognize the oneness of all humankind, our motivation to find peace will grow stronger. In the deepest sense we are really sisters and brothers, so we must share one another’s suffering. Mutual respect, trust, and concern for one another’s welfare are our best hope for lasting world peace.” – Tenzin Gyatso, Dalai Lama XIV

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Nehem’s time here is almost up. Just like the rest of us. Some will carry on with their journey; some will return home. This is the nature of such a life—embracing people while we are together in the short time we have on this planet. Knowing where to draw the line between adventure and loved ones. Striking a balance.

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2017 – Ames, Iowa

My biggest challenge yet.

An open-ended stay at home may sound like a nice vacation to most, but I am not them. Don’t get me wrong; I do enjoy parts of being back. Maintaining relationships with family and old friends is very important to me. I just wish the circumstances were different.

Private family matters coupled with the private family matters of my previous host encouraged a return home. Due to the time of year, I secure a serving job in town, working under a guy I graduated high school with. Chalk up another tally in the depressing column. On the other hand, I meet some very interesting people there. Good people. Good friends.

I decide that since I’m around for longer than usual, the least I can do is some basic home improvement for my father and step-mother. Keep yourself busy. Create the balance. Find peace of mind. After all, this is an exercise in disciplining my mind. Removing my own selfish desires from the equation. Being where I’m needed most.

Whether it’s my decision or not.

“To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.” – Buddha

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As Nehem browses through my YouTube channel, each image brings forth different memories and emotions. I sense the evolution of my mind and spirit over time. He decides to watch a video from earlier this year in California. Then I hear the best compliment of my life.

“My purpose in life is to free people’s minds…” We both smile as I look him dead in the eyes.

“…your mind is already free.”

“I know but one freedom, and that is the freedom of the mind.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery