July 10, 2018 – Petaluma, California

Thus begins the depressive slide into normality.

Living with family, working a cush job, spoiling myself with television and increased alcohol consumption. Not for a lack of trying: I’ve sent messages to hosts listed in the Petaluma area about helping them out; I have yet to hear back from anyone. I try not to feel guilty in these situations, but it’s nearly unavoidable.

My cousin Kelsey comes to my aid with an invitation for a weekend stay at her place in Lafayette. Exploring a new place will do me some good. We spend a Saturday hiking Mt. Diablo and catching up. We express our mutual excitement for the approaching annual “cousins trip.” The day ends with dinner and Netflix, but so does our weekend as I receive an offer to work on Sunday. I take it out of financial necessity.

After all, I’m the only one of the cousins taking this trip that doesn’t have the luxury of Paid Time Off.

This is not a complaint; it just requires that I plan ahead properly. It should also be a bit cheaper this time. We are normally three or four strong – this year we are five. My oldest brother will be joining us for the first time. When was the last time I went hiking and camping with him? Was I under ten years old?

Needless to say, the fact that he is coming is very significant to me. After my father and our mother parted ways when I was three, my relationship with my oldest sibling has been strong, but I’ve always felt a desire to make it much stronger. Like it always has been with my other brother. Like the one I’ve worked toward over the years with my sister.

“I grew up with an older brother, and the bond between siblings is unlike anything else, and it can be a real journey to accept what that bond is once you both mature into it. Because it’s not always what you want. It’s not always what you expect. It’s not always what you imagined or hoped. But it’s one of the most important things in the world.” – Ben Schnetzer