February 7, 2017 – Bozeman, Montana

Left turn. Left turn. Left turn. MSU.

With enough bus rides to and from the same place, you begin to innately know what stop you’re arriving at or departing from without opening your eyes. You automatically memorize turns. Distances.

Left. Right. Left. Four Corners.

Upon arriving back from Iowa, the aforementioned manipulative female coworker quizzes me about my time there. Wanting to know if anything happened. No, but it could have. Why not? Why do you want to know?

The object of my affection, bane of my existence, and best friend here. All in one.

Right. Right. Meadow Village.

I decide to call her out on her shit. Mostly her behavior and how it has affected me during my time here. More importantly, this process leads me to admit my flaws. I open up about my state of mind being altered due to recent family issues. Issues that began months ago, but have bled into the present. Issues that will remain constant – impacting my emotions, behaviors, and attitude toward her. I’m not stable right now. Further, I admit that I had placed high hopes in this place, this season, and once we had our initial two-hour bus conversation, her.

I selfishly wanted someone to help me during this time. Or distract me from it.

Left. Right. Mountain Village Center.

I eventually discover that she is involved with someone else. That she just isn’t that into me, despite her previous actions that would tell another story. I struggle to accept this as reality. But I do, in time.

As difficult as my reality is for me to accept at this moment.

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” – Lao Tzu