January 12, 2017 – Bozeman, Montana

Well, I certainly hope this is my low point of the season.

In a nut shell, I tell Chad: “My car has been hit twice in two months while parked (without me in it, costing me $1,000 in deductible payments), I’ve been manipulated and emotionally abused by a coworker who involved herself with me (which nearly led me to acquiring my first DUI), and I lost my winter gloves and brand new snowboarding boots.”

I haven’t felt this down and out in a long time. The three-to-four-hour-per-workday bus ride is starting to weigh on me. I’m working days, which means limited opportunities to enjoy the mountain. I started a second job (out of monetary necessity), so that doesn’t help matters. I vent these frustrations to Chad in the hotel bar across the street. I admit to him that if it wasn’t for the friends I’ve made in Bozeman thus far (having met up with Kevin and Elisabeth earlier in the evening), I would nearly feel like I was mistaken to come here.

Chad sympathizes and cheers me up with some stories of his own recent endeavors. He always puts me in a better mood. He relates to the female drama in particular, describing someone’s behaviors that he has been spending time with as of late. I chalk the fault up to the type of people that typically work seasonal and resort jobs.

But that’s not really it, is it, Nicholas?

I’m the one that decided to leave my car on the farm where the first incident occurred.

I’m the one that failed to recognize erratic, insincere behavior (or neglected, rather).

I’m the one that allowed my emotions to control my actions, again and again.

I’m the one that lost my stuff. Nobody else.

Why is it that things seem to get worse when I focus more on my own needs?

We live in a culture in which we’re expected to spend a great deal of time trying to please ourselves in various ways. Yet it’s this very rushing to please ourselves that underlies our displeasure, unhappiness, and misery.” – Steve Hagen