August 12, 2016 – Bozeman, Montana

It’s crazy how fast one year can go.

A shooting star appears, then vanishes. Just a year ago I was in Minnesota watching the Perseid meteor shower in a boat on a lake with my friends. This year I’m viewing it in Hyalite Canyon near the reservoir with new friends. I look at Ally, who is laying next to me on some blankets outside of my tent. Haley is next to her, followed by Mitsui.

We’re all smiles.

And why wouldn’t we be? It’s a perfect night under the “Big Sky,” and I’m comfortably close to a very attractive young woman who is pulling me closer. I was not expecting this. My night only gets better as I consume a few adult beverages and continue stargazing with the gang. We eventually move into the tent, where Ally and I talk for a while and end the night with a kiss.

I know better, but I can’t help myself.

And thus begins the endless series of questions: What does this girl want from me? Should I distance myself entirely? Can I control my thoughts and feelings towards her? Why am I always drawn to the wrong girls? Is it an issue of ego? Lack of experience in my younger years? Can I handle getting hurt again like I did back in Iowa City?

Infatuation sets in.

Or is it lust?

“Desire is the kind of thing that eats you and leaves you starving.” – Nayyirah Waheed