September 15, 2015 – Finland, Minnesota

This can’t be happening.

I’m holding a past lover in my arms, wading through a public swimming pool. We must be on a romantic getaway… but where? Just us? As I start questioning the reality of this situation more and more, the dream quickly ends. These seem to be happening more often as of late…

…what do they signify?

I’ve already reached the halfway mark with my new hosts. We’ve spent most of our work hours harvesting vegetables and divvying them out in shares for delivery. I’ve also been fortunate enough to participate in some farm-related activities such as attending a farmer’s market in town, a harvest festival in Duluth, and a ceremony for a nearby environmental learning center, of which David and Lise (my hosts) are heavily attached to. I haven’t witnessed this level of community in a long time. Being a CSA farm (community-supported agriculture), Round River and those involved with it act as a driving force behind the local community. Truly inspiring.

…Maybe that’s it?

These dreams feature past love interests whom I was connected to during a time in which I thought of myself as being fully integrated into a community. Going on walks around the neighborhood with the individuals I supported. Attending the special olympics with them. Organizing their social gatherings.

Is it just a natural subconscious defense mechanism to call upon such cherished memories when I’m currently feeling like an outsider in such a tight-knit community? Feeling more and more alone as I venture out from familiar territory?

“We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community.” – Dorothy Day