July 4, 2015 – Crosslake, Minnesota

It’s moments like these that can make a man question everything.

Syr is laying on the dock next to her uncle Theo (Mari’s brother), watching the fireworks exploding all around the lake. Mari is there, along with her and Theo’s parents. The whole family. It feels wholly American – sitting on a private dock on a beautiful property, getting the family together, and watching the myriad fireworks throughout the night. Old Glory is waving to us at the end of the dock.

Truly a Kodak moment.

We decide to move to the porch due to the mosquitoes. I feel like I’m watching a movie as Syr and Theo play with his dog. Like a chain reaction, her happiness spreads to everyone around her. I look to Mari and wonder how she must feel at times like this. It may be the first time that I’ve witnessed Syr together with her entire immediate family, and it nearly brings tears to my eyes. They may not be the perfect family, but it is a perfect moment. And they’re sharing it with me.

My family isn’t “perfect” either, but it’s at times like these when I wonder what kind of psychological damage they go through during the holidays. I can’t remember the last time I watched fireworks with my dad. Age eighteen, maybe? Both of my primary lines of work have made it extremely difficult to get together with family for holidays.

This new lifestyle certainly isn’t going to help that matter.

Am I doing the right thing? I’ve never been happier, but what about my family’s happiness? Will I regret spending this much time away from them after they’re gone?

I glance around the room one more time before heading to bed in an attempt to instill this precious moment into my mind.

“I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old.

I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to escape ill health.

I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death.

All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them.

My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions.

My actions are the ground upon which I stand.” – Thich Nhat Hanh