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Posted on September 21, 2019

November 15, 2018 – South Lake Tahoe, California

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If it weren’t for these hikes…

Stop it, Nick. Look around you. Breathe the air. Enjoy the free time while you can.

I often struggle with my mindset when it comes to these transitions. When I come to a place expecting to work for money, my focus shifts in that direction. Especially after having a month “off.”

And paying for rent here.

And groceries.

Unfortunately, my training here at Kirkwood has been very spread out. And though I am accustomed to resort life and came financially prepared for a slow start to the season, it can still be a bit frustrating.

You’re paying for this experience. These views. How can you put a price on that?

My first room here was on Kirkwood Mountain. Dorm style—three bedrooms with a bunkbed in each, one “living” room, two bathrooms. Tiny kitchen. Nice to be able to walk to work, but being stuck on this mountain for days in the dead of winter is not something I want to endure. That, combined with the inevitable party culture, do not translate into a healthy lifestyle for this guy. Know thyself.

That was a temporary room until my spot in South Lake Tahoe opened up (thirty miles away). The new digs? Old-as-hell-motel turned employee housing. Two beds in an open room with concrete flooring. A bathroom. No roommate, currently. The house/office that’s connected to the building serves as a community space for the potential thirty-some tenants. Living room, dining room, double kitchen. I’ll share a lockbox with my roommate, and share a fridge with ten or more others. There are dogs. The heater sort of works.

But these hikes though.

Despite the less than ideal room, I feel that at this point in my life, I can handle any living arrangement. Any level of amenities. And I’ve certainly lived with less this year. The money will come when it comes, as will a ton of workers and tourists. Until then, I need to be at peace with this extension of free time. Work on the project. Explore the area.

Commune with nature.

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Posted on September 4, 2019

October 31, 2018 – Yankee Hill, California

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And so my stay here nears its conclusion.

Emotions typically escalate toward the end, and have a tendency to come from both ends of the spectrum. Sad to leave these wonderful people and this peaceful place behind. Uncertain of what lies ahead at the next destination.

Excited to explore, experience, exist.

I film as much as possible as of late – replacing the kitchen floor with Jacob, receiving a “garden tour” with Rachel and Sequoia, and three very interesting interviews in the cabin. Tonight I have the pleasure of witnessing Jacob carving pumpkins with his daughters, Sequoia making apple crisp with Natoma, Rachel cooking up a Shepherd’s Pie, and Alora playing “Mean Queen” with anyone willing to participate.

An evening rife with activity.

Alora explains that her subjects must come kneel at her throne when called upon. There, they will be informed of their name, place, and purpose in life. The family receives their designations; Sequoia follows suit. I go last.

“Your name is Nicky.”

“Your place is home.”

“Your purpose is to… protect our family!”

We both smile as I thank Alora for such a meaningful purpose in life. And though I have my own family back home and would protect them if needed, Alora is more accurate than she may know. As I travel and temporarily become part of people’s families, I treat them as my own, as they do me. Does that even matter though?

Wouldn’t I do the same for a stranger’s family?

“I don’t want to live in the kind of world where we don’t look out for each other. Not just the people that are close to us, but anybody who needs a helping hand. I can’t change the way anybody else thinks, or what they choose to do, but I can do my bit.” – Charles de Lint

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Posted on August 7, 2019

October 23, 2018 – Chico, California

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Roll camera.

This evening shows great promise in the realm of unique footage – Rachel is scheduled to not only participate in a local radio interview with her business partner, but also put on a public herbalism workshop. They call themselves The Elderberry Apothecary, whose mission is to provide locally grown and wild harvested medicines to the community.

Stop recording. Set up different angle. Resume video.

I deeply admire the work this woman has put into building the business with her partner. Especially as a mother of two. Not only do I wholly resonate with what they do and stand for, but the courage it takes to follow through on such an endeavor is remarkable. Reset the frame. Don’t get too much, Nicholas.

The interview ends and the businesswomen set up their mobile shop and display. Impressive. Sequoia supervises Natoma and Alora as they play with other children and run around Lower Bidwell Park. Panning shot across the array of products. A few people arrive to attend the workshop; not as many as we would prefer, but better than none. Rachel immediately greets and engages them.

Still shot of conversation.

At some point, the businesswomen lead the participants on a walk through the park to teach them how to identify some local plants. Action. Rachel picks some wild berries and consumes some. The others follow suit. After more conversation, the group returns to the park entrance. That’s a wrap.

The evening draws to a close as Rachel catches up with her partner. I go on a short walk with Natoma, then Alora. I feel like part of the family. Darkness comes, and the stars eventually appear. I gaze at them for awhile, envisioning scenarios in which my “plan” changes drastically and I spend more time back home intentionally.

The more I think about it, the more right it feels.

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.” – Helen Keller

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Posted on June 22, 2019

October 18, 2018 – Yankee Hill, California

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“Here we go
Down that same old road again”

(Deep in thought, I sit in the living room, staring blankly at my computer. Before a hiking trip a few days ago, I stopped in town for coffee and received some news from my sister in Las Vegas: after living there for five years with her husband and now with a child, they’re considering buying a house in central Iowa. What are you going to do, Nicholas? Is it time for a significant change in the plan? More balance between your family and helping other families?)

What is that?

I look up from my computer as I immediately recognize the intro to Dredg’s “Same Ol’ Road” coming from somewhere in the house. Alora is mimicking Rachel as she talks with Jacob in the hall. Natoma is in the kitchen playing with Jacob’s phone…

“Sympathy unfolds the shell that holds
All the beauty within
Here we go
Down that same old road again”

Jacob enters the kitchen to retrieve his phone. “Was that a Dredg ringtone?” I ask. “You know Dredg?” He responds. This event spawns a high five proceeded by a lengthy conversation about the band, the album (one of our favorites of all time), covering their songs when I played in a band, etc. Jacob can’t speak highly enough about the album; we are both amazed to find another person so loving of it. What are the odds?

“A memory
A regret
A hope”

Though the concept album is about sleeping disorders, the lyrics speak to me differently due to the current dwellings of my mind.

“Here we go
Down that same old road again
Empathy controls the wind that blows
And tickles our skin”

The thought of helping my sister in the way I’ve helped hosts over the last four years excites and terrifies me at the same time. Yes, I want stronger and more consistent relationships with them and the rest of my family. Yes, I want to know my nephew and not be the traveling uncle he never sees. Those thoughts excite me.

“Recent it seems
We must push on, we must push on
Though we bleed
We must push on, we must push on”

What’s terrifying isn’t necessarily the scenario that I become rerooted back in Iowa. I know I could “alter” the plan and potentially find a compatible partner. Travel less, host more. And maybe I could be happy. Or fall under the illusion of happiness. But what if my mind plays tricks on me and I end up hurting people? Can a more “normal” life ever be enough for me now, changing as much as I have? Hence lies the fear—not only in failing the initial goal of the project and letting myself down, but also in backsliding psychologically. No longer being able to lead by example in the same way. Falling well short of my journey toward selflessness, as I continue to grant control of my life to my emotions.

Failing the tests I have placed for myself.

“All you need is a modest house in a modest neighborhood
In a modest town where honest people dwell
Making the cleanest energy for the greenest plants to grow
The richest soil that is drenched with the freshest rain
Then you should sit in your backyard
Watch clouds peak over the tallest mountain tops
‘Cause they unveil honest opinions about the stars”
– “Same Ol’ Road,”  Dredg

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Posted on June 13, 2019

October 14, 2018 – Yankee Hill, California

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“What’s your favorite color?”

Alora asks me while we eat breakfast at the dining room table. “Red,” I respond as I watch her and Natoma play with some M&M’s, adding some to their oatmeal. “What’s your second favorite color?” They ask. “Hmmm…black.”

“Ewww!”

This game goes on for a while as I eat and repeat their questions back to them. The patience and playfulness it takes to be a good parent. I eventually finish and go work with Sequoia outside. Standard procedure. In the afternoon, all the girls (Rachel, Sequoia, Alora, and Natoma) and I walk to a neighbor’s house down the road. Natoma requests a ride on my shoulders; I couldn’t say no if I wanted to. Upon arrival, Rachel gives me a tour of the gardens she tends to on her neighbor’s property. We grab some stuff to take with us and eat some fresh tomatoes. Delicious.

On the way back, Natoma gets another shoulder ride. This makes Alora jealous, but she settles for Sequoia’s just-as-good shoulders after a conversation with her mother. Children. I respect Rachel not only for being a good mother and role model to her kids, but I feel like having two girls must be especially difficult. Would two boys be any easier?

After dinner, Rachel invites me in from outside to hang out in the living room. I accept. As I’m working on my computer, Natoma decides to put on a ballerina show for us. I watch, smile, laugh. She’s so sweet. I clap when she finishes and get ready to head to bed. As I’m leaving, the girls jump up on me playfully. “Ahhhhh!” I play-scream and call them monkeys. We all laugh as Rachel comes to my rescue. She suggests that the girls give me a hug goodnight, so they do, and she does as well. I wish them all a good night and head to my tent.

A rare and treasured moment in my travels.

“To me there is no picture so beautiful as smiling, bright-eyed, happy children; no music so sweet as their clear and ringing laughter.” – P. T. Barnum

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Posted on June 4, 2019

October 12, 2018 – Yankee Hill, California

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A stark contrast from one host to the next.

Certainly not in a bad way; this host is the “homestead” type with a father (Jacob), mother (Rachel), and two daughters (Alora and Natoma). Here, they focus on herbalism, gardening, and permaculture. There is also a long-term WWOOFer staying in an outbuilding (younger female, Sequoia) that studies under Rachel and assists with child care. I’m not sure what to expect here after leaving the winery on such an emotional high, but the arrangement definitely holds my intrigue.

After Jacob gives me a tour of the property, I settle in and decide to get groceries in the nearby town of Paradise since lunches are not provided. A small price to pay. The drive is pleasant: situated between the city of Chico and the Plumas National Forest of the Sierra Nevada mountain range, there is no shortage of remarkable views. The euphoric state of mind continues.

Upon returning, I get to know Sequoia while we work and listen to podcasts. As a woman in her early twenties, she gains my respect quite quickly given what I already know—she’s interested in herbalism, alternative lifestyles, and helping others. I further learn that she’s from the east coast and is passionate about women’s rights and empowerment. Her tastes include pods such as “Dr. Ruth: Let’s Talk About Sex” and “Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me!” which provide us with various topics to discuss. A very enlightened younger person.

I wonder how different my twenties would have been had I have done something like she is. Traveling across the country alone. Seeing life through the lens of another family. Learning a nature-based skill set. Not that I regret the way I spent mine, but I just admire the bravery and confidence that she exudes. While many people these days are being swept into the culture of video games, social media, and potential entitlement, this woman decided to pursue a hands-on, down-to-earth, back-to-nature lifestyle.

Fighting the good fight.

“… the young people are the ones who most quickly identify with the struggle and the necessity to eliminate the evil conditions that exist.” – Malcolm X

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Posted on May 11, 2019

October 8, 2018 – Willow Creek, California

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I must be up early.

Nobody is in the kitchen yet this morning except myself and Nehem. We greet each other as I make some coffee and set up my computer in an attempt to be productive while the others sleep. Him and I haven’t talked much thus far—mostly because of my presumption of a significant language barrier between us, and the fact that I find his mysteriousness somewhat intimidating. I also view him as a much more “free spirited” person than I could perhaps ever become. He eventually inquires about what I’m working on, and I decide to engage him in a real conversation for the first time.

I do my best to explain my project to him in a simple way, but also trying not to avoid significant details. Since there is no internet at the winery, we resort to Nehem’s smartphone to aid us; he quickly pulls up my YouTube channel and browses the videos I’ve made over the years. He tells me about a previous experience he had in a far-away jungle with a very different society and the effect that time had on his life.

—————

2015 – Finland, Minnesota

“Watch out for that rock right there.”

It must be midnight or later, and I’m walking through the woods behind Steven and Damean (my host’s “neighbor”).

Without lights.

The complete opposite environment that we just left—a birthday party at a neighbor’s place (down the road, through some forest, down a hill, up a hill…). This wasn’t your typical birthday party, either. No. There was an old-fashioned cauldron hanging above a fire, warming bear fat that was used to cook homemade doughnuts in. Doughnuts that were then shaken in a bag of real Minnesota maple sugar—“the original shake and bake,” as Damean put it jokingly. From another conversation, I overheard someone ask another, “How are the cities?” to which they replied, “Not as good as this doughnut.”

My God, they were delicious.

Steven knows the land so well that he can guide us without using the head lamps they brought. I’m impressed, energized, scared. Scared at first, at least. Then taken aback as I realize how long it had been since I had done anything like that and how serene it felt. The starlight against the fallen leaves provided just enough light to make out the two men ahead of me.

Part of me wanted to just sit and be still.

After the doughnuts, the hosts offered homemade pizza as well as freshly made ice cream. Made. Fresh. By hand. Two men sat near the fire and played/sang songs featuring a banjo and violin for what must have been over an hour. Are all northern Minnesota birthday parties this incredible?

Steven stops us amidst our return home and turns on his light. He is searching for a knee-high tree along the road that he showed us on the way to the party. He mentioned that he wanted to try to transplant it at his home. The light reveals nothing. Until he turns to his left; there the tree sits, only a few feet away from his initial guess in the dark. Mind blown. Upon arriving home, we three take a moment to observe the stars, noting any recognizable constellations. We end the night with a brief conversation.

Which is also how the party drew to a close—a conversation around a camp-style fire. I mostly just listened and observed, as I tend to do around new groups of people. I don’t recall all of the topics covered, save the discussion about city versus country life. The same girl who made the city v. doughnut jab described her feelings on the matter: “Every time I’m in a city, I feel like I’m dying.”

After experiencing an evening like that, I find it hard to disagree with her.

“Country things are the necessary root of our life—and that remains true even of a rootless and tragically urban civilization. To live permanently away from the country is a form of slow death.” – Esther Meynell

—————

It is during this conversation with Nehem that I finally feel a deeper connection with him. It’s been a long time since I’ve become so fully immersed in an experience, with a group of people, in which I’ve allowed myself to be so present in the moment.

Fully connected.

—————

2016 – Seattle, Washington

“How do you know when to stop putting everyone else’s needs above your own?”

…the gentleman sitting across from me asks, rhetorically. He’s holding both of his arms out, palms up, painting a picture for Miri and I in regard to what it looks like to be a universal platelet donor. Platelets are a blood component whose function is to stop bleeding by clotting blood vessels. Coagulopathy, hemophilia, various deficiencies… many people need these kinds of donors.

Travelers flow around us, through us, circulating the terminal. Pathways lead them to their gates. Airplanes transmit them to the places that they need to be.

This man is in his early seventies and has already engaged us on topics such as Miri’s desire to act, current social issues, and the difficulties of having conversations with strangers due to (in his opinion) technology. He goes on to say that he doesn’t know “where to draw the line.”

He is a catalyst for people that he will never meet.

As Miri’s plane begins the boarding process, we start saying our goodbyes. The man had walked away, but decides to return and begins another conversation. She asks him to postpone this conversation until the plane ride. He inquires about where her seat is, and to their mutual surprise, discover that they will be sitting next to each other on the flight. What are the odds?

I begin walking toward my departure gate, but my mind continues to wander. I imagine society as one living aggregate. Like platelets, we attach ourselves to substances before facing our wounds. We turn on our receptors and secrete chemical messengers. We connect to each other, acting in concert.

We are one organism.

Our interactions with each other heal our wounds.

“When we truly recognize the oneness of all humankind, our motivation to find peace will grow stronger. In the deepest sense we are really sisters and brothers, so we must share one another’s suffering. Mutual respect, trust, and concern for one another’s welfare are our best hope for lasting world peace.” – Tenzin Gyatso, Dalai Lama XIV

—————

Nehem’s time here is almost up. Just like the rest of us. Some will carry on with their journey; some will return home. This is the nature of such a life—embracing people while we are together in the short time we have on this planet. Knowing where to draw the line between adventure and loved ones. Striking a balance.

—————

2017 – Ames, Iowa

My biggest challenge yet.

An open-ended stay at home may sound like a nice vacation to most, but I am not them. Don’t get me wrong; I do enjoy parts of being back. Maintaining relationships with family and old friends is very important to me. I just wish the circumstances were different.

Private family matters coupled with the private family matters of my previous host encouraged a return home. Due to the time of year, I secure a serving job in town, working under a guy I graduated high school with. Chalk up another tally in the depressing column. On the other hand, I meet some very interesting people there. Good people. Good friends.

I decide that since I’m around for longer than usual, the least I can do is some basic home improvement for my father and step-mother. Keep yourself busy. Create the balance. Find peace of mind. After all, this is an exercise in disciplining my mind. Removing my own selfish desires from the equation. Being where I’m needed most.

Whether it’s my decision or not.

“To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.” – Buddha

—————

As Nehem browses through my YouTube channel, each image brings forth different memories and emotions. I sense the evolution of my mind and spirit over time. He decides to watch a video from earlier this year in California. Then I hear the best compliment of my life.

“My purpose in life is to free people’s minds…” We both smile as I look him dead in the eyes.

“…your mind is already free.”

“I know but one freedom, and that is the freedom of the mind.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery

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Updated on May 5, 2019

October 6, 2018 – Prairie Creek Redwoods State Park, California

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Day five.

Our first day off from work. Since a few of us have vehicles, we decide to go out on an adventure to Fern Canyon per Miles’ recommendation. I drive Johanne, Gabriela, and Gianni. I take pleasure in being able to spoil WWOOFers in this way, especially the ones from different countries—it feels like an act of service in a way.

After making stops in Willow Creek for food and Arcata for thrift store shopping, we make our way to the forest. I engage in conversation with Johanne and Gabriella over music as Gianni sleeps. Upon entering the forest, however, they go quiet in amazement of the massive Redwoods.

M
a
g
n
i
f
i
c
e
n
t.

We get to the trail and begin our hike. You can see the delight on their faces. We enter Fern Canyon, and I’m immediately grateful that we chose to come here. The walls of the canyon are some 50 feet high and completely engulfed in ferns. Home Creek runs through the middle of the ground floor. It’s perfect. We travel a little way, then take a break to make tea, smoke holy herb, and engage in an impromptu dance session.

What’s a comfort zone?

I take as many pictures as I can without falling too far behind. We eventually come to a Redwood that exceeds the size of anything that should possibly grow. One of us investigates and discovers that there’s enough room for all of us to gather inside. I expect nothing less from this group. We play music, laugh, smoke, listen, and commune with nature.

Trying to keep us on schedule, I suggest heading back. We do so at our leisure, stopping along the way for photo shoots and additional exploration. I enjoy a meaningful conversation with Kay on the way. What an enlightened guy. Our last stop—with nearly perfect timing—is the nearby beach. We enjoy some wine from the vineyard and catch a remarkable sunset. A perfect day. We all agree it’s the best we’ve had in a long time.

“Keep close to Nature’s heart… and break clear away, once in awhile, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean.” – John Muir

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Posted on March 27, 2019

October 3, 2018 – Willow Creek, California

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Day two.

Day shift. More processing of wine. “Punching down” of the fermenting grapes in the vats. Bottling of the finished product. Filming. Family meals.

Enter Gianni: a younger woman from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Fellow Midwesterner. Well, she’s…uhh…

Focus, Nicholas.

It’s afternoon; my mind is set on getting interviews before it’s too late. Rein’s turn. I happily accept. Afterwards, he offers me a copy of The Bhagavad Gita (a Hindu book about selfless action, paths to spirituality, and the moral conflicts of human existence). This has been on my reading list for quite some time. Upon seeing me perusing the book, Nehem presents his copy to compare. What? Actually, I’m not that surprised. Later on, Gianni walks by and inquires…

THEN SHE BRINGS OUT HER COPY.

This is one of the most incredible groups of people I’ve ever encountered. (What journey are they on? What are they trying to learn about themselves? About the world? About life?)

I offer to drive Gabriela, Rein, and Gianni into town to hit the thrift stores. Upon hearing of Scott’s birthday, I decide to get him a little gift. We also venture to the health food store, since Gianni is admirably vegan and needs some special food items. God, I wish I had the willpower.

After dinner, we give Scott a proper WWOOFer birthday party. Socializing. Drinking. Ice cream. I give him his gift: a pair of crocheted Rastafarian-colored-too-small-for-a-33-year-old underwear with a big-ol’ marijuana leaf on the crotch. Perfect. This presentation is good for some laughs. I then teach the gang how to play Presidents and Assholes – one of my favorite and most well-known drinking games.

Sober October, Nick. Stay strong.

And before it gets too late, I wish the gang a good night. I want to spend more time with them, but for anyone who has attempted sobriety in these situations, we know how difficult it can be. Additionally, I feel a strong connection with these people. And in that connection lies an innate fear of getting attached to people that I know I will be leaving behind soon. And in that fear lies an innate unwillingness to get closer to them and cause myself further emotional pain when I leave. Selfish.

This is the sad reality of the nomadic lifestyle – or at least in my perspective –

the fear of making real friends.

“It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection.” – Anonymous, The Bhagavad Gita

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Updated on May 29, 2019

October 2, 2018 – Willow Creek, California

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Commence work day #1.

We wake up around 7am. Breakfast standard = every WWOOFer for themselves. It’s bottling day, therefore, we divide into day and night shifts. I work the day shift with Greg, Rein, Johanne, and Miles, the owner. I film the process and simultaneously have the opportunity to talk with a very busy man. He expresses his interest in my project and admits to watching a video I recommended for him. He actually took the time? That means the world. Someone on the night shift makes lunch for the day crew. Another cleans up.

Shift change.

Hearing talk of Greg and Rein wanting to go into town, I offer transport since they don’t have vehicles. I need wifi access to reach out to hosts anyway. They go shopping; I sit in a bar and rapid-fire messages to potential hosts within a reasonable radius. This is the second time this year that I’ve needed a quick host – could it be as easy as the first?

We rendezvous at the bar and I call it good on my efforts. Within 20 minutes, I get a call back from someone. Seriously? That’s amazing. Give it some time though. We head back to the winery and Greg volunteers to be the first interviewee. I’ve spent a little over a day with this man and he’s open to this. I love it.

Without much else to do with my evening, I decide to film the night crew at work. I offer to help intermittently. This could be the best gig yet. Someone from the day crew calls us in for dinner; we oblige, we consume, I call it a night.

How fortunate I am.

“Your life will be no better than the plans you make and the action you take. You are the architect and builder of your own life, fortune, destiny.” – Alfred A. Montapert

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